Common Health Problems  »  Mental Health Conditions

Stages of Grief

Grief is a deep sadness or sorrow that results from a loss. The loss can be from something big or small. It can be from something positive or negative. Examples of things that cause grief include changes in:

  1. A job (new or lost job, a promotion or demotion, or retirement)

  2. Relationships (splitting up, getting divorced or having a child leave home)

  3. Health problems (illness or injury)

  4. Life matters (death of a family member or friend, loss of property or moving to a new place)

There are many factors that shape our response to a loss such as death. These include:.

  1. Age

  2. Health

  3. How sudden the loss was

  4. Cultural background

  5. Religious beliefs

  6. Financial security

  7. Social network

  8. History of other losses or traumatic events

Each of these factors can add to or reduce the pain of grieving. Trying to deny or avoid grief only seems to create more serious problems later. To come through the process in a healthy way, it is best to understand what coping with loss is all about.

Self-Care / Prevention

  1. Eat regular meals.

  2. Get regular physical activity.

  3. Allow friends and family to help you. Don’t hold your feelings inside. State how you really feel. Visit them, especially during the holidays, if you would otherwise be alone. Travel during the holidays if this helps.

  4. Share and maintain memories of a lost loved one. Being reminded of the past can help with the process of coming to grips with a loss.

  5. Try not to make major life changes, such as moving during the first year of grieving.

  6. Join a support group for the bereaved. People and places to contact include your EAP representative, your student counseling center, churches or synagogues, funeral homes, and hospice centers.

  7. Adopt a pet.

  8. Read self-help books about grief and death.

Questions to Ask

Have you refused to sort through the deceased’s belongings after a significant time?

Are you abusing medication and/or alcohol to make yourself feel better? Do you need these to cope or “numb” your pain?

Do you have one or more of these problems due to grief?

  1. Extreme stress on your marriage and/or your children

  2. Not able to cope day to day

  3. Ongoing problems with insomnia, excessive crying, depression, feelings of guilt, or eating too much or too little food

Have you just attempted suicide, are you making plans for suicide, or do you have repeated thoughts of suicide or death?

Before a griever can feel “whole” or healed, they generally go through four stages:

  1. 1.Shock. The person feels dazed or numb.

  1. 2.Denial and Searching. The person:

  2. -Is in a state of disbelief

  3. -Asks questions, such as “Why did this happen?,” “Why didn’t I prevent this?”

  4. -Looks for ways to keep their loved one or loss with them

  5. -Thinks he or she sees or hears the deceased person

  6. -Just begins to feel the reality of the event

  1. 3.Suffering and Disorganization. The person:

  2. -Has feelings, such as guilt, depression, anxiety, loneliness, fear, hostility

  3. -May place blame on everyone and everything, including themselves

  4. -May get physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, constant fatigue, shortness of breath

  5. -Withdraws from routine and social contacts

  1. 4.Recovery and Acceptance. The person:

  2. -Begins to look at the future instead of focusing on the past

  3. -Adjusts to the reality of the loss

  4. -Develops new relationships

  5. -Develops a positive attitude

  6. -The normal period of grieving the loss of a loved one lasts from one to three years, but could take longer.