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Grief / Bereavement
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Grief is a deep sadness or sorrow that results from a loss. The loss can be a major or minor one. It can result from something positive or negative. Bereavement is grieving most often linked with the death of a loved one.
Anger
Stages of Grief
2. Denial and searching.
• You are in a state of disbelief.
• You ask questions, such as, “Why did this happen?” or “Why didn’t I prevent this?”
• You look for ways to keep your loved one or loss with you.
• You think you see or hear the deceased person.
• You begin to feel that the loss is real.
3. Suffering and disorganization.
• You feel guilty, anxious, depressed, lonely, afraid, etc.
• You may place blame on everyone and everything.
• You may get physical symptoms. These include headaches, stomachaches, constant fatigue, and/or shortness of breath.
• You withdraw from routine and social contacts.
Resources
4. Recovery and acceptance.
• You begin to look at the future instead of dwelling on the past.
• You adjust to the reality of the loss.
• You develop new relationships.
• You develop a positive attitude.
AARP Grief Support
Causes
• A new or lost job, a promotion, demotion, or retirement.
• Relationship changes, such as getting divorced or having a child leave home.
• An illness, injury, and/or disability.
• The death of a family member or friend. Loss of property. Moving to a new place.
Factors that shape a person’s response to a loss, such as death include:
• Age, gender, and health.
• How sudden the loss was.
• Cultural background. Religious beliefs.
• Finances.
• Social network.
• History of other losses or traumatic events.
Treatment
Understanding the normal stages of grief, the passage of time, and self-care measures treat most cases of grief. When these are not enough, counseling can help.
Questions to Ask
Question 1
Have you just attempted suicide? Have you written a suicide note? Are you making plans for suicide or having repeated thoughts of suicide or death?
Get medical care without delay. If symptoms are life threatening go to the ER or call 9-1-1. Don’t call 9-1-1 or use the ER if symptoms do not threaten life. Ask your doctor ahead of time where you should go for a problem that needs prompt care, but not emergency care.
Question 2
Do you overuse medication and/or alcohol to feel better or to cope or “numb” the pain?
You should be seen by your doctor or counselor. Contact your doctor, counselor or health care provider to find out how soon you should be seen.
Question 3
Do you have any of these problems?
• Extreme stress with your marriage and/or children.
• You can’t cope day to day.
• You have ongoing problems with insomnia. You cry too much. You are depressed, feel guilty, or eat too much or too little.
• You refuse to sort through the deceased’s belongings after time passes.
You should be seen by your doctor or counselor. Contact your doctor, counselor or health care provider to find out how soon you should be seen.
Use Self-Care / Prevention:
You can probably take care of the problem yourself if you answered NO to all the questions. Use the “Self-Care” measures that are listed. Call your doctor if you don’t feel better soon, though. You may have some other problem.
Self-Care / Prevention
• Eat regular meals.
• Get regular physical activity.
• Allow friends and family to help you. Don’t hold your feelings inside. State how you really feel. Visit them, especially during the holidays, if you would otherwise be alone. Travel during the holidays if this helps.
• Share and maintain memories of a lost loved one. Being reminded of the past can help with the process of coming to grips with a loss.
• Try not to make major life changes, such as moving during the first year of grieving.
• Join a support group for the bereaved. People and places to contact include your EAP representative, your student counseling center, churches or synagogues, funeral homes, and hospice centers.
• Adopt a pet.
• Read self-help books about grief and death.
This website is not meant to substitute for expert medical advice or treatment. Follow your doctor’s or health care provider’s advice if it differs from what is given in this guide.
The American Institute for Preventive Medicine (AIPM) is not responsible for the availability or content of external sites, nor does AIPM endorse them. Also, it is the responsibility of the user to examine the copyright and licensing restrictions of external pages and to secure all necessary permission.
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