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Codependent No More

Don’t let somebody else’s problem become your own.

Causes of codependency:

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A person is more likely to become codependent if he or she:

•  Puts other people’s wants and needs before his or her own

•  Is afraid of being hurt or rejected

•  Has low self-esteem

•  Feels responsible for the other person’s addiction or behavior

Self-help tips:

•  Focus on the three C’s:

Stop Family Friction Before it Starts

– You did not Cause the other person’s problem.

– You can’t Control the other person

– You can’t Cure the problem.

•  Don’t make excuses for the other person’s behaviors. Accept that he or she has a problem and needs to get professional help.

•  Refuse to come to the other person’s aid. That means no more bailing them out of jail or giving them money for drugs or booze. If your loved one is a problem drinker contact Al-Anon and Alateen at 888.4AL-ANON (425.2666) or www.al-anon.org.

•  Get help for verbal, physical and/or sexual abuse. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).

•  Take care of your own feelings, desires, and needs.

•  Set and stick to limits on what you will and won’t do.

•  Find diversions to keep you from obsessing on your loved one’s problem.

Get help.

Most codependents don’t think they have a problem. They see themselves as loving, caring people just trying to help. Counseling may be needed to help them regain a healthy life.

Action Step

Find a meeting for codependents from Co-Dependents Anonymous at 888.444.2359 or www.coda.org.

This website is not meant to substitute for expert medical advice or treatment. Follow your doctor’s or health care provider’s advice if it differs from what is given in this guide.

 

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